I told Chris I would support his decision, and that I would even help by providing tutoring or other academic help if he wanted to continue to play. We left it at that. He went to the tryouts and he was chosen for the team. That day, he came to me and informed me of his decision to forego the basketball season in favor of maintaining the grade point average that would put him in the best position to choose a college. He said it was a no-brainer.

I was so proud of him. He had weighed all of the factors and made a decision that I know was difficult but that was ultimately to his advantage. When I tell this story to parents in my workshops I am often asked if I squashed Chris's dreams or dampened his spirit by being so blunt with him about his lack of talent for basketball. I believe that parents have a responsibility to be honest with children. It's one thing to support and nurture them in their dreams but it's another thing to build false hope. By encouraging him to aim high, reality and experience revealed to me and to Chris that his academic talent far outweighed his athletic abilities. Chris showed a maturity beyond his years by opting for the college education as opposed to a not-very-good chance of playing ball.

Our kids face tough decisions every day. Deciding whether to experiment with drugs, sex, or succumb to peer pressure can be life-or-death choices. It could mean life or death if the parent has not assisted him in developing reasoning skills resulting in sound, positive decisions.

• Track Your Student: You can't put an electronic monitoring device on your teen, but you can insist on staying informed. Consider funding a cell phone to make communication easier.
• Know Your School Counselors: Don't wait until your student has a discipline problem. Start your relationship on a positive note: Stop in with cookies and a smile to introduce yourself and your student.
• Enlist the Help of Mentors: Mentors can be found in many places outside of school and formal mentoring organizations. Look in your church, family, recreation center, and neighborhood for likely candidates.
• Research Enrichment Programs: Check your student's backpack daily for handouts, flyers, and notes addressed to parents, especially during the first month or two of school. Much of the information related to special programs--after-school tutoring, early college preparation, etc.--is sent home in this time frame, and you can't rely on your student to remember to deliver it to you. You have to stay on top of it.

Excerpt: From Say Yes To College: A Practical and Inspirational Guide to Raising College-Bound Kids by Sharon Chandler and Elizabeth Crane. Copyright © 2005.